For the past couple of years, I have had what I guess they call severe writer’s block.
It’s been close to impossible to come up with something honest, something true, something I could believe in, which was almost as easy as breathing before.
I can’t say for sure what caused this, but I guess it’s been difficult to be honest with myself of late, and to accept my vulnerabilities and write about them. And over the past couple of days, I agonised over submitting this as an article, probably because I couldn’t really fit it into any one of the categories given- essays, stories or poems. But well, as the true post-modern thinker I am, what’s the point of categories anyway? Here goes.
Ever wondered what the point of it all is? You know, what Solomon was talking about in Ecclesiastes? The futility of life? The vanity of it all?
Doesn’t it scare you that nothing in this world could ever be for certain? You could be here one second and gone the next, just like that. Over the last two years since I wrote for this magazine, I have experienced the best of times, and the worst of times as well. I have gained and lost. I have laughed and wept. And the world spins madly on.
You see, the very fact that everything in life changes so fast without us noticing is both the best thing about life and the worst. And I guess that’s what Solomon was talking about- the vanity of life, the fragility of life. We spend all our precious time wondering how to make our tomorrows here better than our yesterdays, when the truth is, we know nothing about tomorrow or even whether we will have it or not or whether the circumstances will be harder or easier to make it through.
And perhaps this is the reason why people grieve over the dead. Amidst all the pain of missing that person that has departed with no chance of return, is the real and equally painful fear of the chance of it happening to any one of us. The fear of the chance that we could all just breathe our last each second that passes; That chance that this is inevitable to each one of us.
And I believe it is also for this reason perhaps, that religion exists. Even in the cruelest world where none of us believed in God, such a world would be full of perils and anguish. Human beings need to believe in something greater. We need to be part of something greater than ourselves, otherwise the thought that everything in this life is for naught would overcome us and wreck each one of us.
The futility of life!
The absolute vanity of it all!
Let it drive you. Let it take you. And make you fall in love with each moment, and realise that each breath, each kiss, each laugh, each tear, is a privilege only granted to few.
Angela Mukora (21)