The Letter I Never Sent

Dear Darling,
Please excuse my writing,
I can’t stop my hands from shaking.

I don’t know what to feel when I think about you.
I am certain about one thing though,
Gone are the days my heart stuttered
When the fragrance of your cheap cologne
Wafted into my nostril,
So is the sparkle of adoration in my eye,
When I gawked at your crafted face.

Love is the last emotion I know
Because that is the same bridge
You set on fire and watched it burn,
But what you didn’t realise,
The ashes settled on my heart.
Now the cracks are laced with this dark hue-


This is the feeling you stirred up in me.
I hate every intricate piece of you.
My vocabulary is large-
Yet I cannot string together the words
To tell you how much I detest you!

Everything about you is repugnant!

From the way you tilt your head back when you laugh-
To the way you walk with an intimidating swagger,
To the way you enunciate every word out of your lips,
To the way your shoes imprint their pattern on the ground,
To the rhythm your jaw follows when you masticate.

I abhor the way your eyelashes flutter when you blink.
I spite how you swallow saliva down your extended throat.
I loathe the way your diaphragm flattens when you breathe.
I deplore how your heart pumps blood to the rest of your body.
I execrate the way your brows arc when you argue.

Could you really blame me?
I expected so much from you!
I let my guard down for you.
I let you memorise my scars like a braille,
You looked in my eye and promised-

You promised to gift back my mosaic heart,
To love every broken piece of my fragile heart,
Never to make me walk on eggshells yet again.
Blindly, like a moth drawn to a flame, I fell for it.
And all you did was add more characters to the braille-
Just to multiply my scars.

I should’ve known you were a wordsmith alright?
You played on words the same way-
You plucked and picked the fretted strings of my heart.
I gave you my universe,
But all you wanted was space!
Why did you ask me to love you,
When you had no intention of loving me?
You walked away, just like it was okay…

Like time suspended,
A wound untended,
You and I,
We had no ending.
All my life I’ll wonder why.

Endings hurt.
But the finished ones that never ended,
Are the ones that hurt the most.

With Contempt,
Millennia Girl.


Sanaipei Stacy Kosen (19)
Student of Actuarial Science.